Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
