I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
