What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
