btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
