There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
