he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
