Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
