Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
