the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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