in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
