I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize