I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
