Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
