i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
