Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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