I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she told me i tasted like america
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
