Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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