Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
