did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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