I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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