My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
