I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
