We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
