almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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