I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
