i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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