Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
