Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
me + whiskey = a bad person
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
