Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
