I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
