Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
