I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
two words: eviction party
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
