grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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