i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
