I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
