i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
