The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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