i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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