the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
smell my finger.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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