New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
