I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
