so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
