you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
