Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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