She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
