ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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