I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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