I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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