She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
