He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
