i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just tell him i said nine months
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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