I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
