i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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