About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
