She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize