does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
