you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
