apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
