well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
