apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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