He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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