Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
