What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
