it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
