Yo dont text me then not text me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
