this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it's like iHOP with fire
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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