he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
