My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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