How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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