i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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