yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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