need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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