frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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