I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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