I want to stick my p in your. b.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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